I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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