Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
