I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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