69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
