If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
