Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
