i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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