Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
