2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
