You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
