Just fell off a train. Bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
