Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watching her eat just hurts me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
