she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
