I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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