The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
