i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
