She is in my trunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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