haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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