The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
