what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
