god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She bit a glass in half.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
