Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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