dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
