True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
