why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's like heaven, but drunker
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
