it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
