I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
