Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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