Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
