Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
