Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
