i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
