these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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