I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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