Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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