So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
