just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
