he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
