DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
