We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
