worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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