I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
