Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
