Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
