I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
