Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
