oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
