she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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