Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
