Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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