we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
