So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
