So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
