i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
